I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
