living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
