he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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