I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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