I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize