you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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