I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize