i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
