shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
