I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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