i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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