I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
