that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
