i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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