Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
