I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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