ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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