No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
