I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
