I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
