The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
