So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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