Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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