Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
