theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
