who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
