how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
