i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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