It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
