I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
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I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
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There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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