great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
