We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
