Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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