Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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