so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
