he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
