I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
