I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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