I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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