if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
