Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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