Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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