I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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