Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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