Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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