We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
