no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
