I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
