eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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