I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
