I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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