Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
