just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
