remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
don't judge my taste in strippers
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
