he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize