In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
