I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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