My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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