Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
