tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
