I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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