8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
