your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
