Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
