my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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