I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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