He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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