I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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