nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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