singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize