She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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