i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
