Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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